2010 already? What the...

Hello, dear sailors of the internet sea.

Veritably, we are in the new year and it is COLD but that is okay because I still have some christmas cake left and I still have not taken down my somewhat rotting tree, thus my time stands still.

What gossip for you... The 7th Annual Poets vs. MCs is on next Thursday [28th Jan] upstairs at Komedia: the city's best poets and rappers live on stage for your love and/or abuse, plus special guest host Dizraeli.

The winner of the Hammer and Tongue grand Slam Final 2009 was once again the mighty Spliff Richard! Is your poetry good enough to beat him down? Hammer and Tongue proper begins again on Thurs 4th Feb; sign up for the slam to win a place in this year's final, and we shall see...

Those of you who came to our NYE Pirates of the Caribbean-themed Trailer Trash! will know what a crazy, magnificent shindig it was - and for those of you who were unable to get tickets, you will be most thrilled to hear that our next event will be on Saturday 20th March, and that the theme will be Baz Luhrmann. So.. dust off your courtesan corsetry, pick up your Shakespearean forbidden lover [underage and/or suicidal = optional but not advised...] and slap on the fake tan and Australian accents as we celebrate Luhrmann's greatest films, with fire, aerial, burlesque, djs and some very special guests...

In the meantime, I am on the very brink of making an inordinately beautiful art/poetry book with local internationally renowned art cop to the stars Jake Spicer, so keep your eyes SKINNED for that.

NB. My New Year's Resolution is to visit faraway friends more often, so if you know me - and haven't seen me in a while - beware [and put the kettle on]!

elasticin

I am feeling terrifically melancholy this evening.

Torn up, to see it thistle back to flay;
caltrap to the chest, your knowing
is a force to come unskinned against.

Escape from Alcatraz!

This morning I visited Alcatraz Island and now I'm at San Francisco airport. They feel sort of the same. Actually, I suppose I just said that for dramatic effect, they don't really feel anything like each other.

My flight back to the UK leaves in less than an hour and I am feeling exceedingly glum about leaving California. Over the last two weeks I've visited San Francisco, Davis, Sacramento, Truckee, Reno, Fresno, Tahoe, San Mateo, Berkeley, Palo Alto, Santa Cruz, San Jose and Santa Clara [though I'm not sure that Santa Clara really counts as a place, so much as a series of roads with strip malls attached... Barefoot Cafe is a very very cool place though, and seemingly operates a sexy-baristas-only policy, which was nice]. I've met some wonderful people, gotten great feedback from audiences at my gigs and have been overwhelmed by the general kindness and friendliness of everyone I've encountered. Two people said they'd pray for me; one said I was very wrong to swear.

Santa Cruz was a major highlight of my trip - I spent most of my time there on the boardwalk and actually cried in excitement when I saw the old railway bridge behind it. I went on the merry-go-round and waited for someone to say "I've told you before - stay off the boardwalk" but, alas, no one did so I walked into Santa Cruz proper and met a man who said he was a leprechaun, horse whisperer, woman whisperer, musician, stand-up comic and comedian. Yes, apparently they are two separate things. I also drank coffee in the garden of a tiny anarchist cafe/bookshop called Sub Rosa, whilst gnarly ageing hippies sang, tapped their semi-shoeless feet and played guitar. It was everything I had hoped it would be - and more, because the day I went was Halloween, so everyone looked like oddballs, which I am choosing to believe is representative of SC's general aesthetic.

.

Here is a review of my gig in Fresno: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-18356-Fresno-Poetry-Examiner~y2009m10d30-UK-poet-visits-Fresno-for-Across-the-Pond

High Kultur

So, I have made it back from Tahoe to the bay area, and am now staying with my wonderful new friend Etienne and her family in San Mateo.

Yesterday, we visited the Richard Avedon exhibition at the SF Museum of Modern Art, which was really interesting and beautiful, and then ate cake with pretend flies on it in the museum's rooftop cafe. In the evening we went to see Salome at the SF Opera House - the building itself was massive and incredible, and the performance was astounding, hypnotic... and other similar words with ultimately do it no justice at all...

Today, I'm off to visit the Winchester Mystery House, which I've really been looking forward to - the story is crazy; find out more here: http://www.winchestermysteryhouse.com/

I will be sure to purchase some evil spirits from the gift shop, and bring them home as souvenirs...

Lake Tahoe

This is where I am right now; I met a lovely man this morning and we spent a lot of the day together - first at Taylor Creek nature reserve, where I didn't see any bears but I DID see a ridiculous number of spawning salmon - and then at Emereld Bay - which you can see here on the photo. It's just so incredible! I came in on the road which cuts right through the Eldorado National Forest - IT'S ALL SO DAMN ENORMOUS!

I'm fast running out of minutes right now, so will add more when am next online.

This morning I ate a waffle the size of a dinner plate for breakfast. With a blob of butter the size of a small mouse.

RENO - The Biggest Little City In The World!

Reno is amazing! It seems absurd that it is a town where real people live - I feel like I'm in that part of Back to the Future 2 when Biff changes reality with his sports results book...

My hotel is the very height of gambling chic - check it out here: http://www.sandsregency.com/ I was walking forever before I made it to my room, but when I got there the view from the window was so cool; there's a massive building with green-lit shooting up sections right opposite - just like how the Emereld City looks in the Wizard of Oz.


Right now, I'm in a cafe on the river called Java Jungle, eating houmous and olives. The journey here from Davis was incredible; I came by coach and we went right through the Sierra Nevada mountains. The sky was bright blue and the landscape was just so immense; parts of it were spotted with snow and parts were all burned out from a big forest fire a couple of years ago.

Tomorrow I'm stopping off in Sacramento, California'a capital, for a couple of hours en route to Fresno, in order to stalk Governor Schwarzenegger - I have been given details regarding the hotel he rents a suite in... all I have to do is wait.

And now to make my way over to West Street Market and do poems. I have to leave here at something ridiculous o'clock in the morning - you should see the bags under my eyes, they are very very impressive.

Until the next...

Californ-EYE-aay!

So - verily, I am here!

On the plane I drank gin and spilled apple juice onto my lap.

At SFO airport I accidentally picked up someone else's bag from the conveyor belt, and by the time I realised the error and had put it back, noticed that my ACTUAL bag was on its way back into the dark tunnel. I literally dropped everything [onto the feet of the lady to my right] and made a lunge for it but something went wrong and I punched myself in the mouth. So my first views of San Francisco came chaperoned by a swollen, bleeding lip.

In short, I am uncool. But all that may be forgotten in California... because I have an English accent and am therefore, in spite of almost overwhelming evidence to the contrary, VERY VERY COOL!

That night I went for a beer with poet and playwright Mel Clay, who I met in the Beat museum [well, the Beat museum gift shop; I am pacing myself...] He's put on some really cool productions in the past and will hopefully be in the UK again with his next project next year...

Later this morning, I'm heading to Davis, where I'll be chatting to Dr Andy Jones on his poetry & Technology radio show [listen here: www.kdvs.org] and then doing a long set at Bistro 33 in Davis tonight. And tomorrow, I am Reno bound, to gamble my money and o.d. on crystal meth [by which I mean, do a gig and run a youth workshop].

Got lots of cool pics, but no means to upload them, so please insert visual imagination HERE.